This question comes up a lot especially among married women who attend my Women Empowerment seminars. They usually ask if it’s okay or normal to have their own account that’s separate from their partner’s. When asked why they have second-thoughts, the usual answers would be the feeling of guilt for hiding something when marriage is all about union and transparency. So let’s talk about it honestly and without judgment.
My experience
I’ve had my own bank account since my bachelorette days and I’ve never merged it with my husband’s up to this day. Looking back, it’s still one of the best financial decisions I’ve made.
It’s empowering in a very practical way because I don’t have to ask permission for every decision involving money. If I want to invest in a new business idea, write another book, or enroll my kids in a school I believe is best for them, I can decide and act. No long explanations and arguments with my husband.
Managing my own money also taught me how to grow it. If you’ve read my other articles, you would know that I made mistakes, learned from them, adjusted, and improved. You really learn money by handling it yourself. Experience is still the best teacher.
And honestly, I think women having their own money keeps husbands on their toes. Not in a threatening way per se, but in a healthy one. It reminds both partners that the marriage is a choice, not a dependency, and that respect goes both ways.
So my answer: Yes. Having a separate bank account does not mean you love your husband less. It does not mean you are planning to leave. And it definitely does not mean you are being disobedient or selfish. In many cases, it means you are being wise.
Why this question exists in Filipino marriages
In the Philippines, we grow up with strong family values. When you get married, we expect everything to be merged like your emotions, decisions, even money. Madalas naririnig natin, asawa na kayo, wala nang sayo o akin. Lahat atin.
Sounds romantic, right? But in real life, it’s more complicated.
Also, money is one of the top reasons couples fight not because of the lack of money but because of control, communication, and different money personalities.
Separate account does not mean secret account
Let us be clear. Separate does not mean secret.
The healthiest setup I have seen with Filipino couples is that each spouse has their own personal account aside from having a joint account.
Your personal account is where your salary, side hustle income, or allowances can go. This is where you pay for your wants without explaining every Starbucks, every Shopee budol, every gift you buy for your parents.
Hindi ka nagtatago. You are just managing. This setup actually reduces fights. Walang sumbatan. Walang bantayan. Walang resentment.
Why many wives need their own account
The most important reason would be for sense of security. Life happens. Emergencies, illnessess, even unexpected separation. Having your own money is not being pessimistic. It is being prepared.
Another would be to gain confidence. There is something empowering about knowing you can pay for things on your own, that you are not stuck, and that you have choices.
Third. Identity. Marriage should add to who you are, not erase you. You were a person before you were a wife.
Fourth. For your mental health. Constantly asking permission to spend can slowly drain you emotionally especially if you are also contributing in nonmonetary ways like caregiving and emotional labor.
But what about trust
“If you trust each other, why separate accounts?”
Trust is not about monitoring every financial move your partner does. Trust is about respect.
You can trust your husband and still trust yourself. You can be one team while respecting each other as two whole different individuals. In fact, many financial counselors agree that having some financial autonomy actually strengthens trust because both parties feel respected.
A gentle reminder for wives
If you are a wife reading this and feeling guilty for even thinking about a separate bank account, pause and ask yourself: Am I doing this out of fear or out of wisdom?
If it is wisdom, then there is nothing wrong with it.
Talk to your husband rationally and nott during a fight. Open the topic not as an accusation but as a partnership conversation. Share your reasons and listen to his fears too. Most men are not against it. They are just not used to the idea.
Your marriage should not make you lose yourself. It is about building a life together while still standing on your own two feet.
And yes, divas! A wife can love deeply, commit fully, and still have her own bank account.